Now what?

You know in Harry Potter when he goes in to Olivander’s for the first time and after going through several wands he finally has the warm feeling go through his body and there are fireworks and it is a big magical moment where the wand chose the wizard? 

Yeah, becoming a stay at home mom wasn’t like that at all.

It was more like when the fish in Finding Nemo made their big escape out of the dentist’s office and were floating in plastic bags in the harbor and one of them said, “Now what?” 

They went from being trapped in the fish tank to being trapped in plastic bags. At least in the fish tank, someone was feeding them. 

For weeks I had fantasies about what I would be doing with all of my ‘free time’. In retrospect, I was being delusional. The whole point was to get things done that I wasn’t getting done while at work. Now I’m doing those things instead of working. No time was freed; it was exchanged. Now I just don’t get paid anymore. Whose idea was this, anyway? 

Turns out, spending my days sitting in the Lotus position contemplating life, miraculously a size 6, might have been a bit ambitious. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve been in the Lotus position a single time since my last day on the job. 

But to insinuate that I have not been extremely lucky to be able to do this would be unappreciative. I am not getting paid to cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, run errands or keep my three year old son from pooping on the playground during his sister’s field day, but I am awfully lucky to be able to not have to do them in addition to working a full or part time job. 

My mother worked two jobs the entire time I was growing up. I don’t think she slept more than four or five hours a night for decades. She was a single mom that pushed it as hard as she could. It would be an insult to her to be anything less than completely grateful for not having to endure that level of struggle.

So instead of whining about how to extricate myself from my plastic bag, I’m going to enjoy the view and just keep swimming. That’s where the magic is. 

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.