Heather Shuker
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  • Throwing Lines
  • Ledgerock Pottery
    • Buy some pots
    • Pottery in the Wild
    • The Making of a Mug
  • About Me
  • FAQs

Throwing lines

The loneliness of sugarcoating

9/17/2012

3 Comments

 
You know the moment in Target when you lose your cool completely then look up at the security cameras and wonder if you are going to be on the evening news? I’m willing to bet at that same moment, there are women in Targets all over the country looking up for the same reason. We all see the same moon; we all see the same security cameras. 
Losing your cool in Target is not unique. It is universal. Ironically, so are disapproving glares from fellow shoppers who presumably have never seen a child before. Why then, do we often feel like it is just us? Like I am the only person whose child morphs into a raving lunatic, complete with spinning head, because I won’t buy him new Legos or a bag of Halloween candy that is out two months too early?

Because people don’t tend to talk about the ugly parts. You see happy first day of school pictures and pictures of kids in football jerseys and kids holding trophies and everyone is always smiling. You hear stories of kids getting awards and being the absolute best at absolutely everything. 

So we’re left thinking, “wow, I bet their kid doesn’t refuse to jump in the water during swim lessons, or fling the dance leotard across the room because she hates it and dance is stupid, or cry because he wasn’t picked to be a shark in soccer.” And we feel alone. Like we are doing it all wrong.

I get it that people don’t want to be complainers or make their kids look bad but we could all have a more meaningful shared human experience if we also got to see a more accurate view of what other people are going through. 

I want to see pictures of your kid sitting down, picking grass in the outfield with no visible sign that he is aware he is supposed to be playing a game. Or a picture of your daughter crying on stage at the dance recital because she’s terrified, and now you feel like the worst mother in the world for making her do it. I want to hear the story about your son getting in a fight on the playground because it was his turn to be Batman. Or how you hosted a playdate at your house and your daughter refused to share a single one of her toys with the other kids and cried the entire time because you made her.

We all have these experiences. The more we hear that other people have them too, we feel less anxious and more assured that we are not doing everything wrong. Kids are just crazy.

3 Comments
sarah
9/17/2012 04:28:07 am

Target is a dark place. i have long maintained that there must be some sort of law that at all times there must be a mother yelling at her kid in the handicap stall.

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heather@heathershuker.com
9/17/2012 06:45:13 am

I consider it a display of personal strength if I can actually stay levelheaded enough to make it to the bathroom with my kids. I think they should consider installing tantrum rooms throughout the store, at the very least near the toy and candy sections.

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Jacki link
9/21/2012 10:18:05 am

ok so today Jimmie made his fatherly debut at Rebeccas school for his first field trip EVER. He was soo nervous, where do I go, where do I sit...should I have lunch with her afterwards? I assured him he would be fine... packed "their" lunch and sent him, Rebecca in toe off to the field trip day at school. He found the place to park, went in... got his little visitors sticker and headed to her room. Holding tiny Rebeccas had as she gazed up at him so excited she kept squeeling. She sat in her seat and he took his place in the back of the classroom, between 2 moms. Shoulder to shoulder they stood, the moms talking around him. He noticed 2 boys playing pushing games with thier pencil boxes at their table. Rebecca gets up from her seat and goes over to the boys. Jimmie has never seen a day at school and was fondly taking it all in. At that moment Rebeccas voice rang out... "BOYS...I HEAR ENOUGH OF MY MOMMY AND DADDY FIGHTING AT HOME I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT AT SCHOOL TOO!"

...Jimmie went pale. His smiled slowly turned to confusion as while yes Jimmie and I go back and forth with each other we are never really fighting, and when you have been together as long as us...well you just have to be here. BUT we dont fight. he sunk alittle as he stood there...and the two very chattty mothers beside him started chatting... "Oh my what would that childs parents think if they were here, do you really think they fight that much........." Jimmie piped in. "Well I am right here...and I can assure you her mother and I dont fight like that...well... we play, or..." He could not find the words to explain how we are with one another, but he was mortified none the less. Typically he can laugh things off but this time he was caught flatfooted and well...I love him but what I would give to have been a fly on the wall. I know this is not as good as a temper tantrum in the build a bear store...or yanking your kids out from the clothing rack in Kohls threatening them with their life. But so many times I am the one left explaining...it was nice... he got a turn! :)

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